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Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re just the raw ingredients for transformation. Learn, adapt, and turn setbacks into your next big success.

Have you ever stopped to think about how some of the best things in life come from what seems like failure at first? Sour milk turns into creamy yogurt, becoming a favorite snack; fermenting grapes become wine, a symbol of celebration and richness. These transformations remind us that what feels like a setback is often the start of something amazing.

Related reading: Embracing Disruption: How Real Estate Professionals Can Turn Breakdowns into Breakthroughs

The Day Michael Beat Me at Chess

This lesson hit home for me one day while playing Checkers with my son, Michael. When he was first learning, I made a decision that I’d play full out with him. No letting him win. No sneaky hints to help him along. Naturally, this frustrated him. Game after game, I’d see the furrowed brow, the crossed arms, and hear the classic kid frustration of, “This is too hard!” Every time, I’d look him in the eye and say, “Michael, mistakes are a good thing because you only learn from your mistakes.”

At first, I’m not sure he believed me, but we kept playing. Week after week, I’d watch him make small improvements, even though he didn’t realize it yet. Then one day, the moment happened. We’re mid-game, and all of a sudden…bam, bam, bam — he jumped me three times in a row! I was flabbergasted, sitting there with my mouth hanging open, completely stunned. How on earth had THAT happened? Without missing a beat, Michael looks at me and says with a big grin, “That’s OK, Daddy, you’ll learn from your mistakes.”

As real estate professionals, this principle is especially powerful. Think about that deal you didn’t close or the client who chose another agent. Sure, it stings in the moment, but each of those experiences teaches you something that makes you better. Maybe you learned how to communicate your value more effectively. Maybe you realized you needed to sharpen your negotiation skills or better qualify leads. Each “mistake” is really a step toward becoming the agent you’re meant to be.

Life is full of examples like this. Caterpillars struggle in their cocoons, but that struggle is what builds the strength they need to become butterflies. To help them get free does them a great disservice – now they don’t have the strength to fly. Volcanic eruptions seem destructive, yet the ash that scatters in the wind creates some of the most fertile soil on Earth. Milk sours, grapes ferment, and even the mistakes we make—they all lead to something greater when given time and effort. Those mistakes have a purpose.

Why It’s Hard to Learn From Our Mistakes

It seems easy, doesn’t it? You make a mistake, you learn a valuable lesson, and you move on. But what about all those mistakes you seem doomed to repeat? Why is it so hard to learn and move on?

The truth is, sometimes, your brain can work against you. Stressful situations are perceived by your brain as “threats” and in response, your brain’s defense mechanisms are triggered. These defense mechanisms can override your ability to learn from your mistakes, and the more we use these defence mechanisms, the stronger they get. So, what’s a person to do?

George S. Everly Jr., a psychologist who focuses on Disaster Psychology, said, “Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s innate tendency to reorganize its own neural pathways. Two mechanisms increase neuroplasticity: repetition (the more we do something the better we get at it) and the stress hormone adrenalin (adrenalin makes it easier to encode a memory). Such reorganization is not only the basis for learning, it can dictate how quickly (impulsively) certain pathways can become activated. A process we shall refer to as “overwriting” appears to be the key. Focused thought and corrective repetition are the keys to learning from our mistakes.” (Why It’s Hard to Learn From Our Mistakes)

Related reading: Failing Better: The Surprising Benefits of Getting It Wrong

Finding the Opportunities

In real estate, every setback is raw material waiting to be transformed. Didn’t win that listing? It taught you how to refine your listing presentation. Lost a buyer because of miscommunication? Now you’re more mindful of managing expectations. These moments aren’t failures; they’re opportunities to grow and improve.

The next time you’re faced with frustration or feel like you’ve “soured” a situation, remember: sour milk becomes yogurt, yogurt becomes cheese, and you, through your effort and determination, become stronger, smarter, and more resilient. Just like you have to focus and “overwrite” your automatic neurological response, just like Michael learned to turn his frustration into triumph, and just like I realized my lessons on mistakes weren’t just lessons for Michael — they were lessons for me, too.

Mistakes aren’t failures. They’re transformation in disguise. Embrace them, learn from them, and watch what amazing things they…and you…can turn into.

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